I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
