My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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