every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
