you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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