Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
