So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
