you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
