Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You can't special order awesome
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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