omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
