I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
