Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
one might say we're banned from that church
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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