I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
