is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Randomize
