i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
