Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
