There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
