Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
sarcasm needs its own font
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
