i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We're too hungover to prance.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
