Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
