Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize