I wish my penis had an off switch
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
