Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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