And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
