Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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