i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
