Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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