Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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