Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
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