im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize