i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
