It's Friday. Sex?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
