k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
