Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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