Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize