I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
