My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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