Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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