I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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