Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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