R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
