it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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