i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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