If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
