oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
