i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
