VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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