The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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