he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize