Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize