pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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