I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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