What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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