His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
