Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
