That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
