I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
