New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize