Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
