I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
