i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
