census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
ttyl tear gas
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
