Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I touched a dick in church today
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
