my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
