DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
