like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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