i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
