Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
