suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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