just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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