I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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