there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
