its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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