How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
