Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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