loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
