So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
